I've been super busy with work and life. My boyfriend and I got a house together and have been doing a complete renovation. Not to mention I'm a full time mother to our pet duck who seems to be as much work as a toddler

I'm afraid I've also been suffering from some health issues. I've been very ill for over a month now. The doctors can't figure out the cause so we're just treating the symptoms. It comes and goes. I pretty much take things one day at a time. Sometimes even just one minute at a time. It's emotional and draining. But we'll pull thru.

Now that our house is mostly done being renovated, I have started picking up the camera again. I'm exploring the lighting in this place and various locations to shoot. I miss my old room with the perfect lighting! But it's nice to have a place of our own where I can shoot whenever I want, wherever I want. Well, when I'm not too sick to anyway.

I guess that's it for now. Hope everyone has been well in my absence!

My fellow Deviants, followers and friends... It is with a heavy heart that I announce the passing of my cat Kelli, who many of you knew as Boobookittychan. Many of my pictures of her here have been popular. Sadly old age, hyperthyroidism, kidney failure and a heart murmur has gotten the best of her. She stole my heart 16 years and 2 days ago, on my 12th birthday. Kelli, I love you and you will be greatly missed.

So... My home of over 22 years is being foreclosed. The place where I grew up, the first home I remembered. I've moved out a few times and felt good knowing I could always return. Now it's time to move out and move on. Not sure where to. It will affect my job and my relationships. But I don't have much choice. Things are changing rapidly and I must learn to adapt.

I will say this tho, I am grateful for my very supportive and loving boyfriend. I've been rather difficult lately, moody and sick a lot, and he's been making extra trips into town just to be here for me.

I've been wanting to do some photography here while I still can. Before I lose the awesome lighting I always get from my bedroom window. I'm hoping to get some shots in during this week between work and family.

I hope everyone is doing well and that you all have a great holiday season!

Facebook - Amber Wright - kedralynn
Twitter - @kedralynn

I've been dealing with a lot of health issues lately. They seem to be brought on by stress which is brought on by worrying about losing my job over being sick... which then makes me sick and makes me miss work anyway. Wonderful cycle huh? Anyway I've been blogging again if anyone cares to stay up to date.

[link]

If I'm better by my birthday, the boyfriend and I are going on a road trip. I'll update the blog with photos and so on from the trip. Maybe the time off will inspire me to do some of my art again! One can hope.

Miss ya guys

Update- they fixed the problem

It was brought to my attention that there is no longer an option to add my works to your favorites. However you can still add them to your collections.

With spring finally here I'm feeling more like taking pictures but it seems my boyfriend's place is not well equipped for photography. The lighting is terrible pretty much all day. So it'll be some time till I can create the works I really want to create. We're also really short on free time to go for car rides out to places worth photographing. And the last time we went to the ocean for pictures, I almost got swept away in a huge wave but at least the camera stayed dry. Phew! Yeah no ocean for a while

I hope you all are well!

Sorry it's been a long time since I've been here last. I got rather ill for a couple weeks and thanks to that illness I'm also damn near losing my job. Go figure. I'll admit in all the stress and chaos, I've barely picked up my camera (except to photograph my tulips that just started blooming in my boyfriend's yard, which I'll hopefully find time to post next week). Unfortunately I'm not there this weekend and I KNOW I'm missing them coming into full bloom. I kick myself over missed photo opportunities all the time But I have responsibilities around here to take care of.

Anyway, hopefully with the coming of spring and with my renewed health I should have more time to take pictures. I'll admit I have a lack of want for such things these days. But spring almost always inspires me to pick that camera back up. So here's to hoping

It seems like forever ago, but was probably just a year or two... DeviantArt was different. I had a circle of friends ("popular" deviants they were called often with hatred). Getting an image to get a thousand faves was easy even if you didn't want it. And we'd get flamed often for it. We supported each other, inspired each other, pushed each other to do better. I had deviants I admired. Ones I wanted to take photos like...

Today almost none of those deivants exist anymore. They all left the site for one reason or another. And it feels so strange, so lonely. The few that remain have surpassed my skills in every way. I don't mind. It happens when you take a full year off of your craft. Which I've finally admitted I did do. I didn't have the drive to pick up a camera. I lived in a tiny bubble which was far from worth photographing. And I honestly prefer being a bit of a nobody compared to the chaos here before. I like blending in a little. Less drama

But having a boyfriend living in the bay area helps. I photograph more often there. How can you not? It's prettier than my town. You Modesto deviants know what I mean! Again, here in Modesto, I live in a tiny bubble far from worth photographing. But out there, the bubble goes away and everything is open.

I'll be gone for about a week or so. No internet in the bay area. No distractions. Maybe I'll find time to photograph something. But I'm not forcing it. Sometimes it's good to just relax too.

I finally got a new photoshoot in today. It didn't go as well as I had hoped but I'm out of practice so I guess it's to be expected. This weekend I'll be experimenting with self portraits at the boyfriend's place. It'll take some time to harness the lighting... but I personally could use a change of scenery. Hopefully I'll have some new photos to post from that sometime next week.

I really do miss photography but I feel like I'm in such a rut as far as my work goes. I don't feel like any of it is as good as it used to be. I'm sure we all go thru these periods where we're frustrated with our own works... I'll find my way out of it, or I'll just take another break

I hope you all are enjoying the new year and that things are going well for everyone

I've been found

And after this very busy holiday season I'm going to have time to travel a little and take more pictures! Yay. Can't wait. I miss you all!

Just letting you guys know, I found out I could change my profile name to "kedralynn" since the fake disappeared ages ago. So why use REALkedralynn? So I went ahead and changed it. You may have to refollow me now at [link] if my profile isn't showing up for you. Idk some people said there was an error, others say it's working fine!

"Nobody puts Baby in a corner."

My latest pieces are not sad. They are hopeful. They are life.

Look, I have a dorky side. Those who are my friends, those who are on my myspace, you know this. I'm silly, I'm klutzy, I'm an idiot. I play video games. I make bad jokes. I fall down the stairs. Do I show that in my artwork? Not often. DA is not my life. There's a very fine line between the two. Art imitates life, life imitates art. But I still keep very much personal. Just because you see one thing here, please don't assume that means I'm depressed.

In truth, the transition I'm going through has not been an easy one. And I found out that I'm not entirely over what happened. That I haven't completely forgiven or let go. But I'm coping with it. I'm going out, I'm working, I'm enjoying my mama's company... I'm surviving - just like many of you told me I would. I appreciate the love and support and even the concern. But really, I'm ok... Except for the falling down the stairs thing. Really did that. Bent my wrist back. Fun times. But other than that, I'm ok

DA won't let me change my mood...

aka David Carradine

I grew up watching Kung Fu and Kung Fu the Legend Continues. I feel like part of my childhood died...

And uh I wanted to start taking some pictures again and posting here but I can't find my photoshop cs disk anywhere! Grr!

You know when you're crying and you go to scream and no sound comes out?

I'm there.

You know when you realize that you just weren't good enough for someone?

I'm there.

You know when you put your heart on the line and it gets trampled?

I'm there.

You know when you wake up alone in the mornings and there's this sinking feeling where your heart used to be?

I'm there.

You know when you waste tears on someone who's turned their back on you?

I'm there.

You know when you realize in spite of it all it's going to be ok?

I'm not there.

But I hope to be...

I didn't really want to join because I don't know how often I'll update but I heard that there was already a fake (who was taken care of, but it wasn't easy proving it). Can you believe that? So I joined under REAL_kedralynn. Hopefully that'll clear up a bit of confusion and beat the fakers to it.

I miss you guys. Hopefully there will be pictures here again in time. I'm in the middle of moving again so things are a bit hectic.

Woo I got a raise at work. Nothing major but I was told how well I'm doing and got great scores during my review. I gotta admit it was nice getting a little appreciation. Getting some recognition for my hard work in some aspect of my life. It was my little bit of joy in all the shit I'm swimming in.

EDIT: So I've read the crap about how ugly tattoos are and how I should "think this over." It's my body so your opinion stops there. And I've done plenty of thinking it over. It's something I want to do for symbolism. Not because it's "cool." I thank those of you who have offered your help. As for the size of the tattoo. I don't want to waste my time with small ones that I don't want. It's "go big or go home" as the tattoo artist said.

---

Yeah that's right. I'm finally ready to get that first tattoo I've been talking about for years. But there's 2 big problems.

The first one is that I have no idea where I truly want it. And that's because of the second problem which is I don't know exactly what I'm getting. I have about a week to come up with something good. No it's not a deadline, it's just that it would fit BEST into my schedule within a week or so.

See I know I want a geisha and preferably a butterfly with her because of the meaning the two carry for me. I'm sure many of you can see the influence in my artwork. Geisha being the artist and butterfly being the metamorphosis. It's an idea I've had for a long time for my tattoo. I only want one that means something so this is the subject I choose.

Here's where you guys come in. I'm hoping for design ideas. I'll be taking them to the tattoo artist and he'll take it from there. Like I said I'm not super certain of what I want. I don't know if it should be simple or intricate. I don't know if it should be plain black or with a hint of color. I don't know if it should be traditional looking or not. Elegant or playful. I don't want cartoonish. I don't want too much color. I know I'd like something with movement. Flowing robe, flowing wind, possibly flowing hair. Something with a geisha of course. Maybe with cherry blossoms, maybe not, The placement preferably somewhere on my back due to my work dress code. It's going to be a decent size too... But it all depends on the shape and flow of the tattoo... I don't know. I'll know the image when I see it, I just haven't seen it yet!

Yeah help me out guys, please. Send me any picture ideas you have or links to anything you think would help. I'm so lost!

Thanks

Thank you all for your words, your love, your gifts, notes, and support. I appreciate it greatly

Now to work on being ok, one day at a time...

How do you deconstruct a life you created with someone? The money crisis ended us. I don't know why. I don't get it. I don't see how. I love him and I have given him everything and now he turns away because why? Because we're broke and can't make it? That doesn't make sense. Now everything I have, everything I earned, struggled for, created in the past few months is gone. I have to give it all up. My house, my job, my love, his family... I don't think I can do this...

Oh also a journal entry to someone here on DA who keeps asking me if I'm a girl named Krista. NO. I know she says I'm her cousin, I know she says she's the girl in the pictures here on DA. She's lying. And by publicly claiming  these photos as my own, claiming I am the girl in them, they are my work, if I were lying, this so called Krista could sue me.  But oh wait, she can't because she's a lying sack of shit!

I don't know who to feel more sorry for, The people stealing my images claiming to be me (god why the hell do you want to be me and have your life fall apart right now?) or the people who believe the people pretending to be me.

I'm just not in the mood. I have creditors harassing me on the phone. I have a sick puppy at my feet. I'm not sleeping... I had it all together. Quit cutting. Quit smoking. Got over the anxiety attacks. And now at the drop of a hat it's all back. It's all back and it's all crumbling and I don't know what to do. I don't even know where to start. I just keep holding on, hoping that this won't totally cave, That maybe somehow some miracle will just fix it all.

Well the new year came and went. Little has changed. My hours at work were cut. Everyone's hours were cut. Business isn't what it used to be. The upside, at least I still have a job. We're all struggling so I can't complain too much.

But it's rough when I'm sick and don't have insurance. When our puppy is sick and I'm up all night taking care of her, then going to work exhausted, and coming home to realize I don't have money for me and her to see doctors. So what do I do? Skip the appointment for myself and take her to the vet of course. It's not her fault.

I'm hoping my tax refund pulls us out of debt a bit. Right now my saving account have been draining. Thank god for you guys supporting my art and purchasing prints. The little money I get will help pay for food this week. Every little bit helps so I appreciate it

Two more relatives passed away last week. That's how it goes. We lose them in threes within 3 months of the first death, 2 more follow. So hopefully we are done for a while... Some days it feels like everything is caving in and all I can do is hold on for the ride. Keep on doing what I'm doing.

Meh well I'm going to try to get some more art in now that my hours have been cut. I'm struggling though. The lighting in this house, I can't seem to tame it. And many of my props and costumes are still at my mom's house. But I'll be trying. The sun has been coming out early these days. The birds are already back and a few things are blooming. Spring always makes me long to do my photography. I hope when the weather warms up, I'll be able to go to the river and take some shots.

Anyway, I miss you guys and I am always grateful for the continued support even when I fail to log on, fail to respond, fail to post new items...

PS as I have been asked a few times lately, I am the model and photographer in these pictures. Not someone else and unless you hear it from me here, I'm not on other websites, I'm not emailing you my pictures, or chatting with you in various chat rooms. These are impostors. Feel free to note me on DA if you are unsure that you're talking to the real kedralynn or not. And please notify me about fake profiles that you find out there. Thanks!

The stress is piling up. Holidays are coming and I don't have money for them. Also it's nearing my end of days in this house and we're looking for a new place but just don't have the money for apartments in our area. The cheapest one has a year long waiting period and we need a home in a matter of months so that won't work.

To add to it, my grandmother passed away yesterday morning. In all honesty she's been gone far longer. She's had alzheimers for a long time and shortly after my grandfather died about 5 years ago, she hasn't been the grandma I know and love. But now she's really gone. This was my only set of grandparents and they meant the world to me.

I still have to go to work. I need the hours, I need the money. And being hired on as a seasonal employee, I HAVE to work black friday and that weekend. I'm hoping the funeral falls on a day I can go.

I have so little time to rest. I'm fighting a cold. My dog is acting up because I haven't spent time with her. She's becoming quite the handful and we worry we won't be able to keep her.

I just don't know what to do anymore other than trudge on each day and hope for the best.